“Anything is possible when you have the right people there to support you.” – Misty Copeland
I recently got back from a trip to Puerto Vallarta. I have had a rough year or so and was really looking forward to some time in the sun with family and friends. I had a great time and was so happy to be back home after the 10 days away. My bed helps me sleep better and having mobility issues, my own space is always easier to navigate around. I had a week of medical appointments to come back to. I thought I was rested up and ready for that week. This sure put that to the test.
I am on an MS medication that I get every six months. The last couple of weeks before my infusion, I am pretty spent and exhausted so I was really ready to get it on Thursday. However, that was not going to happen this time. I had to have a routine mammogram the Monday before. Long and short of it, I got a call back for more imaging the next day. I went for that and they also did an ultrasound. Both showed a new irregular what they called lesion. I am familiar with lesions from having MS but not in my breast.
I had a non-cancerous tumor in the same breast 5 years ago that was removed. This is in a different spot at least. I have to go on Monday for a needle biopsy to see what is going on. I am so stressed beyond belief. No one likes even thinking about the possibility of cancer. Most of the time, I do a pretty good job of keeping my monkey brain away from that space, but it still creeps in from time to time. I deal with anxiety at the best of times, so this is going to be a real challenge. That gets me to the real reason for this entry.
I had to go back to my tool kit of how to emotionally get through this and not end up down the rabbit hole of Dr. Google. My main way to stay out of that space is to keep myself distracted. In order to do that, I go back to things that bring me peace. Keeping strict routines. Back to a lot of meditation, journaling and art. I included a picture at the end of this entry that I did yesterday. Painting for me (even though I have not done it in a long time) is the most surefire way to get me out of my head and into my body. It does the same thing for me as doing a grounding mediation. Another helpful thing for me is getting outside in nature. I force myself to go to the dog park with my dogs even though it is snowing and -5 outside rather than the sunny and +30 I was just in a week ago. The cool air keeps me more in my body as well. I also turned back to my journal from 5 years ago to see how my biopsy went then and to find out who the surgeon was. Knowing that the biopsy was not painful, it took 13 days to get the results and that my surgeon was Dr. Olsen (who I really like) makes me feel better and more in control.
The final and most important way that I cope and stay sane during times like this is constant support and distraction. Support from my friends and family looks like going out for dinner, phone calls, invitations to come visit and support with food so that I don’t live on bread and chips. The reason I know these things is that I have been through stressful times before, as everyone has, and I took notes on what helped me to get through it. My friends and family do not have such a list. Although many of them now know what to do and just reach out and help, the onus is also on me to ask for what I need. I know I need company from people to get my mind off the worst case scenarios. So I started contacting people to see if they wanted to go for dinner. If they wanted to stop by for coffee. I also had a talk with my husband about what I would likely need from him. He is always so supportive but not a mind reader. I told him when I am in a time of major stress, I struggle with food. I asked him if he could help me out with that. He right away said of course. We talked about how I need 2 healthy meals a day and for him to keep an eye on that. I get so overwhelmed sometimes that I can’t figure out what to make. Having given him advance notice of this helps me and helps him so we don’t end up arguing because I haven’t asked for what I need and become a hangry bear with him.
It can be viewed as me being needy, which in the past I would have agreed and would never have asked. I now view it as a strength. After all these years of living with a chronic illness, I have come to terms with the fact that I need help and support at times. It is helpful to let people know what you need. You know that better than anyone else.
I know that I will be OK and will get through whatever this next chapter throws at me. I don’t want to have to go through it, but I know I can especially now that I have communicated what my needs are going to be. A girlfriend dropped me off the flowers that I included in the starting picture of this blog entry. She knew that I needed some sunshine on this gloomy cold day.
I hope all of you can find ways to communicate what your needs are whenever you need a helping hand.
Much love and support,
Christine
anundefinedlife.com 