“Community is not a place, a building, or an organization; nor is it an exchange of information over the internet. Community is both a feeling and a commitment to the well-being of its members.” M Scott Peck
I have felt a certain nostalgia lately for some feelings of the past. I always think of my grandfather at times like this. I think of my grandfather Martin as my “person.” That to me means the person I think of when I feel life is off balance. Thinking of him makes me feel safe and a sense of community. I know I have to look deeper into my thoughts when I am not sure where this is coming from. My health is fairly stable right now, it is summer which is my best season, and nothing big feels amiss. However, I feel a certain disconnect.
Part of this is definitely a macrocosm of the state of the world right now. I discussed this in my last post about how I was building an art village where everything was kind and easy and people looked out for each other. I still am painting my village but have recently had some run ins in the “real world” that have been rattling. I’ll give some background to explain my situation. For the past 12 years I have gone to a dog park near me everyday. It is its own type of community. Mostly the same people go there everyday with their dogs. You get to know everybody and looked out for each other. If someone was struggling, people tried to help. I use a mobility scooter to take my dogs to the park, The city stopped plowing the park in the winter so members started to plow it with their trucks with boards behind it so I could get around as well as some of the older people who attended. I always hosted a Christmas party for people who wanted to attended prior to the holidays. We also used to bring champagne to the park on New Years Day for a toast. It was a lovely little space for people to connect and get your fill of dog love. Lately, I have felt a shift. People were more distant, parties were smaller and the vibe just felt different.
Also, over 12 years, dogs have passed away and there is a new bunch of canines. Myself included as I have 2 new dogs that are much more energetic than my last one. As my illness has progressed, I feel that especially my older dog, has gotten much more protective of me. Because he had a couple of altercations with dogs there, I hired a trainer (for me really) and came up with new strategies. The training was necessary for me to maintain that. I still attend now. However, I feel a real sense of loss of community now. Not just for me but others have told me the same thing. Female friends have been sworn at by men if their dog approaches too fast. People gossip about each other. I am not saying I am perfect but I try not to bad mouth others because you never know what someone else is going through. My husband and I walked through the park the other day after we had gone through the trail system because it is shorter and it was really hot out. I walked in the park and a dog came flying over to us and barked aggressively at both dogs. Mine were on a leash and did not react (Hallelujah). I said hello. I knew the woman. I knew she did not like my dogs. Neither person said a word to me. Where is the community at this community park?
Later that day, I called my elderly neighbor who has literally not left her house in probably five years. I try to check in on her on the phone once a week because she is all alone. The person who does her lawn normally has not shown up this year. My husband’s machine is not powerful enough to mow it at this point. He talked to a neighbor down the street who came over the next day and brought his machine and they did it together. The lady was ridiculously grateful and said she didn’t think kind people existed anymore who watched out for others. So sad to me that someone who has lived such a long life also feels that melancholy over the sense of loneliness and lack of community.
When I drive to the park on my scooter with the dogs, I probably stop 5 times on the way to talk to people in their yards or out walking. That is what community is to me. I think this is a bigger reflection of the world were we are living in where everything is so judged on an imaginary scale and that sense of lack is so palpable.
This brings me back to my grandpa, who is sadly no longer with us. He would help anyone. My parents friends also watched out for all the kids. There was just a sense of we are not in this life alone. My grandfather used to take me to a park called Hillcrest Park that was full of flowers and had a big old bell that I would always hit when I came in. Everyone played, got along and I guess that is the nostalgia I am living with currently. My dog park used to be that. Everyone helping each other and watching out for their neighbors. It still can be done. My neighbors lawn is now beautifully cut by members of the community. I met one of her friends today and we are going to keep in touch to make sure my neighbor gets any help she needs. Next time someone is snarky or ignores me at the park, I will still say hello and ask them how they are. I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination and sometimes my dogs may still be unruly, But I will still keep my porchlight on even if the rest of the street is dark. My grandfather taught me that someone has to ring the bell first before everyone else knows the park is open. I might not be able to hit the big bell at Hillcrest anymore but I can still say hello to the person who ignores me. I will not keep following this path of isolation we are headed down. I will keep believing in the unwritten social contract that I feel comes along with living in community.
Where are you at in the journey to creating community and will you help ring the bell?
“No one is saved alone; we are saved in community.” Desmond Tutu
With much love and wishing you a strong sense of community,
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