“My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me, and that which misses me was never meant for me.” – Iman Al-Shafi’i
Every year, I start out with a word that I choose to guide my life for that year. I think of things that I wish for that are not currently in abundance in my life. Last year, my word was beauty. I aimed for 2019 to find beauty in all things and to not get tied up on ugliness of things in the world. Not necessarily esthetic beauty, but more of a human spiritual beauty. In many areas, I achieved that. The last month of 2019, I started to think about what I wanted to feel more of in my life for 2020. It came to me easily. For 2020 I wanted to feel more ease.
I looked online for quotes in reference to ease. Almost all of them were in relationship to how you could not achieve greatness if you lived a life of ease. You needed struggle to find a life of purpose. All I could think of was that last year was a year of struggle for me. I went through surgery, started a business and fought many battles. For 2020, the only thing I feel I need is ease. I don’t need any more struggle. I think sometimes after we have struggled a lot and soaked up a lot of difficult life lessons, we need a period of rest in order for them to sink in. I am someone who spends a lot of time living in a cerebral place. I am always striving to learn more, understand people more, experience more life. Growth for me is learning to live in stillness for a period of time. If you are always striving for more, you are never really appreciating all you have.
For this reason, I have chosen to live in a peaceful place this year where I always aim for ease in my life. I spoke to a friend the other day about my word choice and she told me to hold on tight. I do not expect choosing ease to be easy. I am one who seems to be more comfortable in strife and searching than I am in peace. Rest does not feel comfortable in my skin. It will take a concerted effort to remain in simplicity. I have created some questions to ask myself when I feel I am moving into times of unrest. 1) Is this furthering your need for peace? 2) Is this the time for this conversation or should you take time to think about how to proceed? 3) Will this still be a hill worth dying on tomorrow? Next week? Next year?
Ease to me is the opposite of angst. Ease means being comfortable. It means being satisfied with what you have. Does this mean I am going to stop trying to grow? Does it mean I am going to stop trying to help others? Absolutely not. It does though mean that I am going to check in with myself more before I always say yes. I am going to say yes to rest when I need it. I am going to try to stop feeling guilty if I can’t do something as soon as I think of it.
Life can be very hard. For everyone. With an illness or without. Having an illness means we have to live often in discomfort and disease. I am going to try this year when I have the choice, to not force myself into stress and strife. For 2020 I am going to choose ease when I am able to. The picture above is a painting I did for my word of the year this year. May we all find peace and ease for the year.
Wishing you a year filled with whatever you choose,