Starting to Bloom Again

“As long as we are persistent in our pursuit of our deepest destiny, we will continue to grow. We cannot choose the day or time when we will fully bloom. It happens in its own time.” – Denis Waitley.

Once again, it appears that I have taken a break from my blog.  I get so frustrated with myself at times.  I look back on the last few months and all I have had is time.  In spite of that, I have not written much at all and not done much of anything creative.  Even though I know these things will be positive for my outlook on life, I get stuck.  I have watched a lot of TV, read a ton of books and caught up on sleep.  I don’t know why I was beating myself up over my lack of motivation.  Apparently what I needed was things to restore myself.

I feel the world is really focused on blaming others right now.  Whether it is the other political side, the other gender or race.  There is enough blame to go around for everyone it seems.  I see videos of angry people yelling at each other in the streets.  A lot of screaming and anger is warranted at times.  People are not willing to see how we are all in this world together.  Why should young people wear masks when they won’t get as sick?  Because no one exists in this world in isolation.  They will take sickness home to their families and loved ones.  As someone who is immune compromised, that is my rant right now.  However, I feel we all need  a break from this decisiveness, myself included.

In my situation, I tend to turn that blame game on myself.  I get angry at myself and blame myself for not keeping on top of the weeding in my garden.  Not cleaning my house enough.  Not painting enough.  Not writing enough.  It takes some work to break that blame cycle.  I find myself over the last few days looking for the sunlight.  Watching my flowers bloom in the garden.  We have had several days of nothing but rain in my neck of the woods.  Today, the sun in out and so are many of my flowers in my garden.  Sometimes all that is needed to see the darkness that engulfs us at times is for the sun to come out.

I hope you can all find the sunlight in your life today.  Whether that be literal sunlight, or figurative brightness in a conversation with a friend.  I will be looking at my garden to recognize the cycles that all living things go through.

My hope is to write in this blog more regularly in the coming weeks.  I have my next MS infusion next week which should help with my focus and energy levels.  If that doesn’t happen, I will be gentle with myself and realize that the cycle of writing will begin again when it is ready to bloom.

Much love and light,

Christine

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