“I will always choose wanting over perfect peace.” – Effy Wild
I have always viewed my life as a never ending journey. I don’t believe we are ever “done” learning all of the lessons that it has to offer. I was reading a blog I follow the other day by an art teacher I am taking lessons through, Effy Wild. I read one of her poems called Listen. I am a person that is often viscerally struck by things that I read. The quote I started this post with was a line in the poem, I knew I had to write about it.
Although I would love to say that I could use this quote as it applies to me, when I really look deep, it does not. The most common line in my witten journal has to do with wanting to find peace. When I really think about it though, I am also frantically trying to get out of times of unease. I am constantly trying to move things involving change along. I never enjoy the times of uncertainty. Whether it be a medical upset that I am trying to survive, or more recently, the change of starting a new venture or purchasing something new. Especially for people dealing with a chronic condition, change usually has a negative association as it is linked to decline. I do not feel this is an accurate perspective.
If we did not go through periods of wanting, we would not grow and progress as human beings. Although I can no longer run and had to end my career as an educator, I also feel I have grown in so many other areas. I feel I am kinder. I have more empathy. I also have more balance in my life and appreciate the little things so much more. Yesterday, my husband and I attended day 1 of a 4 day musical festival. There was lightning and rain. In the past, I would have been annoyed that the weather was not cooperating with my plans. However, I had planned for the weather, and was just fine waiting for 15 minutes while the main act had to stop during the frequent lightning bursts. Hozier was able to come back on and it was a great evening. Different perspective on what is important. We also needed to buy a new vehicle recently, which I found so stressful. Starting a new business has also been very trying at times. However, if we don’t try new things and go out on a bit of a limb, we will never find out what we can achieve. There may be glorious things awaiting us on the other side of the discomfort of the unknown.
The unknown brings up fear for us as humans. The “what ifs” begin our thinking about all the horrible things that could happen. How the train could fall of the tracks.
What if the train stayed on and took us to a place so wonderful we could not even imagine it? Even if it takes us to a place that is not so great, it may lead us to a path that would not have been revealed if we had not gone on the detour.
The concert last night was great and I am including a new song that I heard last night and now love. See what you can find if you sit in the rainstorms?
Much love on your path,