Girl Within
There is a child within me.
An innocent with a hunger to learn.
Although I have not bore children of my own,
I nurture the young girl inside of me.
Who loves to please everyone.
Who finds joy in singing too loudly
not caring if she is off-key.
She looks in the mirror
and sees what her body can do
and is oblivious to what it cannot.
I will tend to her curiosity
and her need for exploration.
I will humour her urges
to dig into her every whim.
I will encourage and uplift
her thirst for knowledge.
I will protect her and teach others
what the glorious girl discovers.
I am her.
The tender and the tended.
I have a real urge lately to express myself more accurately. Hence, why there is not a quote at the beginning of my entry this week but rather a poem that I created to say exactly what I wanted to say. Although I will always be a lover of quotes, the more I write, the harder I find it to find a quote that reflects what I really want to express. I definitely am not a poet, but my new lesson I want to delve into is how to write poetry. I am beginning to explore that genre. In reference to the poem, my younger self loves to learn and I continue to carry that with myself as an adult. I will protect that need.
The real purpose of this entry is to talk about something that has always been a need of mine. That is to be tended to. I love the feeling of being cared for. Although I have wonderful family and friends who take great care of me, I also think I need to start to tend to myself more. I often feel guilty for taking as many courses as I do. I spend a fair amount of money on self-care to a point were I feel abashed when talking to others about what I have been “doing.” I am going to stop feeling that way, or at least work on it. I love learning new things. It provides me with an outlet for my creativity. Whether it is art, sewing, gardening or writing, I find an immense sense of “filling my cup” when I utilize my creativity. I know my inner child is tended to when I do these activities. I don’t have to be talented at them, I just need to do them. I need to express what I want to have out in the world.
I do though feel guilty about how much I have been able to learn that has helped me deal with my illness and life in general. Often when I talk to friends and acquaintances about their lives I hear about how stress is negatively impacting their health and their lives in general. I have began to think of ways that I can use what I have learned to teach and help others with some strategies for life in general. Life is hard. There is no way around that. I want to do what I can to make life easier for people I come into contact with. I often doubt myself though when I think about putting myself out there. That inner voice says “Who do you think you are? You are not an expert.” A teacher I take art course with said something a while back that made me think about this topic in a different light. Effy Wild said “You do not need to be an expert to begin.” I really thought about that. Wait a minute. I may not be an expert at art and sewing but I am an expert at teaching. I was a teacher for many years. I am an expert at building relationships with people and making them believe in themselves. That was my focus when working with students who never felt capable of their school work.
So this is leading to my next big adventure I want to undertake. What better to do with all of the knowledge that I have acquired over the years than to share that knowledge with others on their journey through life? I am going to open up my home and yard to people this summer to offer little workshops to help people learn new skills and talents . Ways to express their creativity in a safe space that is welcoming and peaceful. I will keep you all posted on what is coming up on my agenda.
It doesn’t even matter if anyone shows up to my evenings or not. I always do well when I have something to look forward to and plan for. I think what is always important is that we keep striving to do better and be better. That is what life is to me. Along the way, if we can help other people, that is even better. Go out there and share what is special about you with the world. You have talents that the world needs to experience. Let me know if there is a plan you are working on that is exciting you right now.
The picture I have included is a lesson I followed by Cary Scholes (caryscholes@yahoo.com) on Book of Days that I wrote the poem I started with to accompany the image.
Much love,
Christine
anundefinedlife.com 