“Compassionate people ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. They’re compassionate because their boundaries keep them out of resentment.” ― Brené Brown
Making and keeping boundaries is an ongoing struggle in my life. I love to help others. That is my nature and what fills me up in life. Having an illness has put limitations on what I can physically do for others, so I tend to seek other ways to be helpful. I always remember birthdays. I like to make or buy thoughtful gifts. I have people over for dinner often and plan social get togethers. My newest way to “help” is assisting my husband with starting his own business.
I love to help him, and in someway feel it is my duty to help him make a go of this. I also find myself feeling resentful a lot of the time lately. This is a hard thing to admit but if I am being honest with myself, that is where I have been. My energy has been drained and I feel like I am juggling way too many balls at all times. I love the Christmas season and normally love going to vendor sales to shop and buy things for my family. However this year, I have been working at sales with my husband. The first few were fun and kind of exciting, but now they have become onerous for me. I find it exhausting to spend two days out of a weekend selling our wares, and then the rest of the week, advertising and creating online ads and maintaining his social media. Lately it has felt like a job, and not one that I want. However, he is loving it. How can I step back when I feel that would hurt him? The other day, I pulled a card from one of my decks that I use. The card I pulled was Ishtar, the goddess of boundaries. How appropriate. The card is from Doreen Virtue’s Goddess Guidance Oracle Cards. The card reads in part “If you feel tired, guilty or resentful when helping others, then you’re not truly helping them are you? You’re interjecting poisonous energies into the relationship, and then no one benefits.”
Whether you believe in oracle cards or not, this was a message that I needed to hear. As someone who greatly believes that everything in life is form of energy, I have been giving negative energy off to myself as well as the business. There is a fine line between being a helpful person, and being a martyr. I talked to my husband last night and he of course has been feeling my negative energy. We discussed ways that I could still help, but only to a point that I actually enjoyed it. He will feel way less stressed if I am not doing more than I can handle and he doesn’t have to worry about me as well as building his business. When I really looked at it, I was pushing myself for me, not him. I wanted to feel like I could do more. I can do more if I pace myself and take time for the things that help me relax as well.
I also feel when we do too much, we do not allow others to realize all that they can do. Whether it is a mom doing things for her child that they could do for themselves or a wife doing too much for her husband, we are shorting them of building their own self-confidence in their abilities. If we are more rested and relaxed, so will the people in our lives be. My blog is a few days late going out this weekend. And that is OK. I am staying home from our sale today and letting my husband do it on his own. Because he can and will and because I am tired and need rest. I am going to do a painting, listen to music and maybe even paint my toenails. I have included a song a friend of mine sent me that is on my playlist right now.