Waiting for Happiness

“Infuse your life with action.  Don’t wait for it to happen.  Make it happen.  Make your own future.  Make you own hope.  Make your own love.  And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen…yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.”  – Bradley Whitford

Life lessons come to me in a variety of ways.  Sometimes it is just a casual awareness that something has shifted within me.  Sometimes it is a quiet notice that my response to an event is different than it would have been previously.  However, sometimes it comes like a booming voice that tells me something that needs to change immediately and how that needs to happen.  This lesson was one that came to me in a thunderous fashion.

I was sitting by the fireplace the other morning, just musing over what responsibilities I had for the day when I heard ” What are you waiting for?”  I heard it internally, not like an auditory external voice.  I instantly new what the message was asking me.  It meant what was I waiting for to experience to allow happiness into my life.  I started pondering this question.

Happiness and peace in life are something that I am always seeking.  However, it always seems just out of my grasp.  I started to wonder why that was.  I always feel like I will have happiness if X happens or when Y ceases to happen.  I am stuck in this cycle of waiting for some kind of magic thing to happen to allow me to feel contentment.  I never seem to get there.  I thought about things I have been waiting for in the past to bring me happiness.  I will be happy when we get the perfect house.  Check.  I will be happy when my husband finishes his courses. Check.  There is always something else that comes up when items are checked off the list to push the bar of happiness further.  I don’t even stop sometimes to enjoy the peace of having accomplished one of the items.  Now I am stuck on waiting for happiness when out business starts to take off faster and we are making more consistent income from it.    Maybe when these things happen, happiness will stop eluding me.

What I am beginning to realize, is that the elusiveness of happiness and peace is a falsity of the ego.  Fear causes me to believe that the universe is based on lack rather than abundance.  I find this idea a hard one to deal with because in my head, I feel like money is not that important to me.  I don’t care about having the trendiest clothes or a new car.  So why does the fear of not having enough have so strong a hold over me?  I think it has to do with trusting myself to know that I will be fine no matter what happens.  I also believe it is a way for me to believe I have control over circumstances that I do not.  When we really look at most events in life, we can prepare, but in the end it is not up to us to determine the outcome.

I do not have an answer to this dilemma, but will be thinking of it over the holidays.  In our society, Christmas has turned into a time for mainstream society to focus on what we “want” rather than what we “need.”  What I need is calmness, peace and love  in my life.  My wish for myself and all of you readers, is that we can turn away from society’s way of thinking and towards appreciation for what we have.  I guess for now, my answer to the question I heard by the fire is “nothing.”  I am happy with what I have now, not the next thing on the list to check off.

Thank you ego for all you have done, but it is time for you to rest.

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