“Silence is refreshment for the soul.” – Wynonna Judd
It has been a long time. You have no idea how many times over the last two months I have stared at a blank page and had no idea what to write. I started this blog two years ago because I always have so much to say and wanted to share some of the things I have learned. I have never been at a lack of words. I have always taken pride in how easy it is for me to talk about anything, When I was a teacher, I used to give my students assignments to come up to the front of the room and talk about anything. A hobby, their family or a book they were reading, I feel it is such an important skill to be able to talk with ease. However, over the pandemic, I have felt that I really have nothing to say.
That in itself, made me feel so guilty. How can you have nothing to say? What is wrong with you? There is so much going on in the world right now. How can you have nothing to say? I want this space to be for healing. I have not been doing a lot of that lately. I did not leave my house for several months and a couple of months ago finally started to go back to physio. It has really helped my body out. I also have gone back to getting massages which my body desperately needed. Now, our numbers of Covid cases are rising exponentially again so that might all have to end. Healing modalities are therefore giving me nothing to share with you.
I have come to a revelation of sorts though. Most of my posts come from conversations I have with others. People say things that make me think about things differently which in turn fuels an idea for something for me to write about. Without frequent conversations with others, I have again nothing to add to a conversation.
My final revelation, and really the purpose for this post, is that it is ok for me to have nothing to say right now. Silence can be healing. I have often thought that I talk too much and don’t allow others to contribute enough. This is a lesson of sort for me. This time of forced silence out of necessity has taught me it is ok to keep thoughts to myself. I still talk to people on the phone a lot and get out in nature everyday. I live with my husband. He has been home a lot too. There is only so much to say to each other when you are around each other a lot. That is alright as well. I am becoming more ok with silence and not feeling the need to fill it.
I am sure the tides will turn and I will have more to say again. There is always something that breaks that silence. But I am done with feeling guilty and trying to force myself to think of something ingenious to say. Right now, I’ve got nothing. I am enjoying listening to new music that I find. I write in my personal journal everyday with general musings. I am also learning to knit warm things for our cold winters. We do not always need to contribute to the noise of the world. Sometimes it can be like a deep exhale to just sit in your own silence.
Wising you peace.