“Life is a road that must be traveled, no matter how bad the roads and accomodations.” – Oliver Goldsmith
Next week starts a trying time in my life. My journey through living with MS has led me through many such times so this is nothing new, but another one all the same. Next week I will go to the clinic to have my third round of Ocrevus, an infusion of a disease modifying drug to help limit the progression of my disease. It has proven to be helpful as my last MRI I had done at the beginning of June showed no activity, which is always a good thing. However, it still means that I have to spend a whole day in a clinic with an IV in my arm. I will have meds to warn off allergic reactions first, then a steroid treatment and then the Ocrevus itself. I will also spend the next day hopped up from the steroids, won’t sleep well and then two days after that, will feel like a zombie from the Walking Dead until my body adjusts to this new road. I am not complaining, it just means I will once again require more care from others than I particularly like to have to take. Over time, I have certainly come to terms with needing that help at times, and am much more gracious about accepting the assistance. Although I am sure all of you who deal with illness understand, that accepting it and appreciating needing the help are two different things. And so will it go that I will not be “myself” for close to a week to try to remain myself for the next 6 months of my life until my next infusion in January.
What is making this infusion a bit more prickly for me is that I know that I will also go back in to the role of patient the very next week. The following Wednesday I will be admitted to the Cross Cancer Institute for an operation to remove a lump from my breast. Although they do not think it is cancerous, they still feel it should be removed to make sure everything is good. I feel alright about having it done, but would certainly rather it not have been needed. I will fully admit that I am a rotten patient. I hate to wait for things, I do not like being restricted in what I can do and do not react well to pain medication which can make me cranky. My mom is coming up for the surgery, which is awesome because who doesn’t want their mom around when they are not feeling well? The time will pass and I know I will heal and be fine, but living with an illness like MS, I do not relish times of being “sick” as they have been more frequent than I would like. There are many rough patches to navigate through.
The main purpose of what I wanted to write about though this week, is how I plan to deal with this situation I have found myself in. Whether it be requiring a new medication, going in for surgery or anything new that is needed to handle my disease, I learned a long time ago that embracing that change rather than fighting it is the only way to go. When I go in for my infusion, to every medication they give me, I will say thank you and view it as something that is healing to me rather than harmful. I believe our minds are very powerful. I trust that what I think is what will be. If we take a medication while telling ourselves that it is harmful or dangerous, I believe that is what will happen. That might sound a little “woo hoo” to some, but I believe wholeheartedly in the power of manifestation. It has been proven to me too many times to not trust that it is so. I will take on the same attitude when it comes to my surgery. I will go in to the operating room grateful for how healing the surgery will be to me and how everything will be fine. I have found that since I have started to take on this philosophy things have gone much more smoothly for me. I go into simple things feeling this way as well. If I am around people who have colds, I always think about the fact that I am healthy and I am going to stay that way. That is not to say that things sometimes don’t go astray from what I am wanting in my life. I did not ask to have frequent spasticity in my muscles and for my career having been halted at the age of 38. However, having gone through those things, I now appreciate why they happened in my life. It took a long time to get there, but I have and am stronger for those periods of construction.
Next week starts a long road that I wish I did not have to go down. But if I do, I might as well enjoy the scenery while on the bumpy highway that is life.